Monday, May 17, 2010

Our Calendar, Satan's Plaything!

I was sitting in front of my TV last night (it was off) with my tin foil hat on when it came to me, the reason why God allowed the Deepwater Horizon Oil Catastrophe to occur.

God hates our calendar.

Exhibit A The days of the week and what/who they are named after.

Sunday - Sun's Day
Monday - Moon's Day
Tuesday - Tyr's, Norse god of war and law, Day
Wednesday - Woden's, Anglo-Saxon god, Day
Thursday - Thor, Norse god of badasses, Day
Friday - Frigg's, Germanic love goddess, Day
Saturday - Saturn's, Roman god of agriculture, Day

Our days of the week smell with the foul icky stench of paganism. It's like twisting the spear in the side of our beloved saviour when we use these pagan names.

Exhibit B Harken to our months and who/what they are named after...

January - Janus, Roman god of doorways (what a lame god that is!)
February - Februa, the Roman celebration of cleaning (even more lame!)
March - Mars, the Roman god of war
April - could be derived from Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of hot babes
May - Maiss, the Greek goddess of fertility
June - Juno, a Roman goddess who is married to Jupiter
July - Julius Caesar, the military dictator who helped destroy the Roman Republic
August - Augustus Caesar, the military dictator who finished off the Roman Republic
September - Septem, the Latin word for seven
October - Octo, the Latin word for eight
November - Novem, the Latin word for nine
December - Decem, the Latin word for ten

Our months are named after a combination of despots, pagan gods, and Latin words.

If I were God I'd be pissed too.

Our Christian Nation needs Christian names! My humble suggestions for the days/months:

Sunday - Jesus Tells You To Go To Church Day
Monday - Jesus Day
Tuesday - Jesus Loves You Day
Wednesday - Do What Jesus Tells You To Do Or Burn In Hell Day
Thursday - Prepare For The Rapture Day
Friday - Pray For The Tribulation To Get Here Fast Day
Saturday - Laugh At The Sinners In Hell Day (What the heck, it's the weekend)

January - Jesus 1
February - Jesus 2
March - Jesus 3

Well, I think you get the idea.

Signing off...

from Purgatory.


  1. Atheists,

    you are going to learn even to TALK about GOD the way you do is going to cost you your lives...

    the writing on the wall...

    f*ck you very much!

    see, you degenerates have last names like first names...

    how about I believe in WHATEVER I want - even in the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! - and you have nothing to say!

    let me show you the end results of this particular *ONE-DIMENSIONAL SCIENTIFIC MODE*
    of thinking that is called *CRITICAL THINKING*, which is completely divorced from
    any human objectives...

    this style has been perfected by dawkins, pz, randi and the other *NEW ATHEISTS*
    THE BOOBQUAKE - 911!

    see how we take a term and convert it into its AUTHENTIC POLITICAL DIMENSION - THAT
    OF LIBERATION - not just merely harmless expression...


  2. Geez.. someone got touched by something.

    As for the calendar - it fills me with a warm comfortable feeling to think that I'm about to venture out into a day seen over by Tyr. When I get into a quandary this morning, I will simply ask myself 'What would Tyr do?' and act accordingly.

  3. I'm a big fan of Thursday.
    Tyr was no wussy. He was a one-handed badass.

  4. Haha... I love it! The only conflict I've thought of for the days of the week names you came up with is... Well... Have you ever seen those day-of-the-week sets of women's underwear, where there's a day of the week accross the butt of each pair of panties? It'd take a pretty big ass to fit "Do What Jesus Tells You To Do Or Burn In Hell Day" - or any of those! Lol... sorry! In my laughter, my mind immediately went to that! *cough* It's purely a marketing concern, I swear! ;-)

  5. Do days-of-the-week underwear really exist? I don't think I've ever actually seen them. I thought Nora Ephron just made them up (you know, "When Harry Met Sally.")

    What I'd like to see is Famous Hunk underwear. Wouldn't you love to wear George Clooney across your ass?


Google+ Badge

Pageviews last month