Saturday, February 27, 2010

Not Talking The Atheist Talk or There's No Such Thing As Monkey-Men!


Surprisingly, in public I don't initiate the Atheist talk too often. I play defense. It has more to do with my low tolerance for certain kinds of comments that I find sooooo egregious I have to speak up.

You want an example? Luckily I have one right here!

This is so ludicrous I feel like I have to remind you dear reader that this is a true story.

I was throwing one of my parties back in the day (pre-kids). I was happily full of the drink and meandering through the crowd. I then heard this, "Man and monkeys can mate and produce young." I turned around expecting one of my wife's (sorry) friends to have said it, but no it was one of mine. My buddy who was stating this genetic "fact" wasn't dumb. His college major was English (that may explain it, but c'mon even a 9th grader knows that shit can't happen!) and had a minor in Philosophy. The guy was much smarter than me (may not say much). Worse still he was saying it to one of my wife's friends who seemed to be buying it. This had to end. I took him aside and said, "Dude, there are no monkey-men or monkey-women." To which he mentioned the popular nugget of information that man and monkey share 98% of our DNA to which I quipped that the last two percent must do a lot of the heavy lifting.

I'm not here to talk about monkey-men. I'm here to talk about when I don't talk the Atheist talk.

I was at my friend's grandfather's funeral (got that?). We were at the post game show at his house when I started chatting with the local rabbi. The conversation went it's normal course and than suddenly veered off course to Crazy Land. The rabbi informed me that his 19 year old daughter was going to get a tattoo. Even a gentile like me knows that is a no-no for old school Israelites. He then said he planned to cut his daughter's money for college if she chose to do that.

OMG! The blood swirled in my head! Here is a guy so arrogant in his craziness that he talks that kinda smack in public to a guy he doesn't even know. I have to tell you, this is what I dream of. Self Important God-guy talks the crazy he always talks and I inform him he is talking nonsense. I get tingly just thinking about it. People like this guy never get challenged.

What did I do?

I smiled and kept my mouth shut. That was not the place and certainly not the time for my shtick. I like my friend too much to start a verbal brawl on the day he had his grandfather buried.

Sometimes you have to take one for the team.

What do you expect in Purgatory?

1 comment:

  1. Hey, one of my short-lived dates said something similar, as you might recall - that if his 20-something son in film school got a tattoo, he would cut off the money for his living expenses while he was in school. And he wasn't even a rabbi. Where do these people come from?? Needless to say, we didn't have a second date, since pompous self-righteous assholes aren't usually my type.

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